Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Last Week's Post

Friends and Family, Greetings from the great and spacious building! Not really, but it feels that way sometimes. It's difficult to understand why if this church is true, and it is, people want nothing to do with it. Needless to say we had a trying week with many hours trying to speak with people who were too busy and "have everything they need." I have way too much time to think between the lack of interest in our area and the language barrier between my companion and I. It is so difficult to stay positive and focused all of the time, and if I'm being honest I didn't do very well this week. I struggle to understand what it is that I'm supposed to be learning and why it is so hard/ I'm so slow to learn it! I was about at my breaking point when Sister Christensen(a roommate) came to the rescue. She explained to me something she once learned about shepherds and how when a sheep consistently wanders off or tries to find a path of its own the shepherd actually breaks it's legs and carries it until it learns to trust in him and stay. Really? I don't know how people know all these analogies. I think I must be more simple minded, but I didn't like the concept. If someone broke my legs I'd just be ticked! When I found out we would be going full-field in Malibu I thought to myself that either a bunch of people would be coming out of the woodwork that we would need the extra time, OR that I was in for yet another lesson of humility. The latter has proved to be the case and I am clinging to the hope that I've learned because I feel that I'm reaching my limit. I know the scriptures teach that we won't ever be tempted or tried beyond our capacity to endure, but sometimes I wonder. I feel guilty thinking of my mission experience as a trial and am trying to change my heart. To be humble and submissive. Richie decided to "take a break" again this week and then called us and asked us to come over, but even with us teaching again I feel like he has kind of quit trying. We got a new Bishop this week and he seems like he will be great. It will be interesting to make some changes with working with him and the new bishopric. The meeting on Sunday of course consisted of testimonies from both bishoprics, newly called and released, and their wives. The theme that hit me from all of them was how when you are serving the Lord you get so much more than you give. I felt the spirit testify to me that that would be true in my life. I feel a little exposed sharing this, but in that moment I disagreed. I felt that after each long day of doing everything all that I could all I feel is my body falling apart and my fuse shortening. I want to experience the joy of missionary work. I want to see people come closer to Christ, but I just feel like my opportunities to really participate in this great work have been limited. It's especially difficult to see the success of other areas and missionaries and wonder "why not us?" I know that in order to be happy I need to lose myself in the service of others. Focus on other people. But, after seven months here I find myself having less faith that it will be the next person that rounds the corner and I just want to throw my hands in the air, look to heaven and scream "What people?!" This is all probably too candid and I may regret being this honest, but it's how I feel. Maybe I'll have some kind of positive conclusion for all this venting next week. Then again maybe not. I do want to say that I love you all, and I appreciate your prayers. Sister Davis

No comments:

Post a Comment